Posted by: arumchan | November 9, 2011

A stay-at-home mom also deserves a weekend!

It’s always the SAME issue over and over AGAIN. Ever since we came back to Indonesia, the extended family has always been pulling us this way and that into family gatherings, events, whatever. I personally don’t mind, but when that happens almost EVERY weekend, it’s driving me up a wall! When I try to subtly tell them that we need our alone time, they get offended. When I give them a heads-up beforehand, they don’t listen. And worst of all, they act as if I don’t have a say in my OWN family’s agenda. They always ASSUME that each weekend we’re available. They don’t ask, they give statements. And worst of all, sometimes I don’t even get told, just hubby. Great, now I’m invisible as well.

Well, this is a news flash! I don’t care who reads it or who doesn’t, who gets offended or who understands. I WORK MY ASS OFF EACH WORK DAY. I clean the house, cook, manage logistics, cater to our toddler’s needs, make sure hubby is comfy at home, and a hundred of other things that maybe, other people have the luxury of a maid or someone else to do their work for them. Hey, I know this is my “job”, but even then working people need breaks. And somehow, I think that everyone thinks that just because I stay at home from Mon-Fri, that automatically means that I don’t “need” weekends to relax with the family that I take care of from Mon-Fri. Maybe they think, “Aw, why the fuss when she gets to meet them each day, unlike us who can only meet them on weekends?” Well, IT’S NOT TRUE.

I deserve weekends to spend private time with my family from day-night starting from when I’m not tired til I do get tired— tired from the day’s activities that is. Although I see them each morning and night, it’s not the same. I deserve at least 1 full weekend and at least Saturdays or Sundays EACH WEEK for me. And this goes for hubby too! We both deserve me-time to relax and refresh our tired minds. But how can we each even get me-time if we RARELY get weekends to ourselves? We both also have personal lives and hobbies. It’s just not fair at times. Just because they are extended family, they always use the same, lame excuse. And it’s making me sick.

Harsh as it may sound, I sometimes really wanna say: stop making us feel so guilty for not spending each and every weekend with you! It’s like you’re always blaming us for making your weekends less enjoyable, miserable, lonely, you name it… because we’re not there spending it with you or accompanying you to some extended family gathering. Please get a hobby, spend time with your own friends, do something that makes yourself happy without depending on us! You had your young days as a family, now give us a chance to have ours! It’ll be much more interesting spending time with you if we didn’t see you each and every weekend and you don’t spend most of the time explicitly and implicitly asking us why we aren’t spending more time with you. It’s not that we don’t appreciate you or respect you, but we are a family too who needs our own time on weekends. And it’s no fun waking up on a Monday morning realizing that yet another weekend has gone by and the fatigue from travelling between cities and events still pulls you straight into bed early each night throughout the whole week.

Yeah, I’m pissed. And yeah, I’m pregnant, I might very well be run by crazy hormones. I’m just praying that I don’t take out my frustrations on my hubby or toddler, because they don’t deserve it. Hubby doesn’t deserve to hear my rants when he comes home, tired from working the whole day. Botchan doesn’t deserve getting yelled at for some harmless mistake/act that normally wouldn’t get on my nerves.  And plus, my growing baby definitely doesn’t deserve to feel the frustration inside of me. No, they deserve the best, that’s why I’m writing my heart out in my blog as a substitute for screaming my head off. And obviously, I can’t reason let alone scream at the ones causing me to write this, God forbids me as part of my role as a child/younger family member. And God knows that I’m always thankful for still having the chance to spend time with my family, both main and extended. He just has to know that I’m in over my head. And I hope He reminds my extended family to  be thankful that we’re here in the same country..island..province..just a drive away…. so they won’t lose their heads just because we can’t spend each and every weekend with them.



  1. BAgus Arum! keluarga inti yg terpenting sayang 🙂 I am proud of u

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